tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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