Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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