got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize