yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
