I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
