i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
