The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
