No stitches, just platelets and will power
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
