North Korea, Best Korea!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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