where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
