It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize