The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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