Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
