I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
