3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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