So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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