Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
