im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
