If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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