well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
