it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
