i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there's paper in my vomit.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
