Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
