Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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