Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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