So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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