While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
