i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
