Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
