your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize