You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
