Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Boobs are out for the taking
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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