Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
