tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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