I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
