Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize