We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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