brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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