I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
