I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
