I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
