dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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