Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
