Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
