remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
