You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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