she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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