She just used a chaser for red wine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
