i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
