I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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