Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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