We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
