i think i have two assholes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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