i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
