did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You pole danced in your parka.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
