it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
