i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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