Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
