Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
