your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
