im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
