I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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