the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
