So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
