Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
