I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
