The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
