a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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