are you so shy because you have an std?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
