I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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