Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
