Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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